The Silence Crisis: Why Parents Aren't Talking to Teens About Body Changes
Breaking the dangerous communication gap that leaves young people vulnerable. A deep dive into why parents stay silent and how to bridge the gap.
"I loose and bind every evil spirit that wants to spoil my child!"
Cindy's mother pushed her daughter's forehead with each word, desperately praying deliverance over the 13-year-old who had just asked about the "strange feelings" she was experiencing as her body changed.
The demons were supposedly cast out. But days later, Cindy laughed with her friends—a hollow, painful laughter—because the "evil spirit" was still there.
Because it was never a demon. It was puberty.
And now Cindy knew something dangerous: Home was not safe for questions. Parents were not safe for the truth.
This scene from our stage drama "Talk Before The World Talks" reflects the reality in homes across Ghana and beyond, creating a situation we consider a "silence crisis".
Defining the Problem
The silence crisis in this case refers to the widespread inability or unwillingness of parents, guardians, and caregivers to have honest, age-appropriate conversations with adolescents about body changes, puberty, sexuality, boundaries, and safety. This dangerous communication gap is leaving young people vulnerable, confused, and turning to harmful sources for answers.
Why Parents Stay Silent
Based on our engagements with some parents, these are the answers we discovered:
1. "I Never Had These Conversations Growing Up"
Most parents have no blueprint. They don't know what to say, how to say it, or when to start. "How can I teach what I was never taught?" one mother asked, tears in her eyes. The result: parents perpetuate the same silence they experienced.
2. "Talking About Sex Will Make Them Want to Try It"
Many believe silence equals innocence. But research shows the opposite: comprehensive education delays sexual activity and helps teens make safer choices. Silence doesn't stop curiosity—it just sends children to unreliable sources. The internet doesn't care about your child's values. Predators don't care about innocence.
3. "It's Too Embarrassing"
Both parents and children feel intense shame around these topics. Parents think: "If I bring it up, it will be awkward." Children think: "If my parents don't talk about it, it must be too embarrassing." But your child's safety is more important than your comfort. Five minutes of awkward conversation can prevent a lifetime of regret.
4. "I Don't Know How to Start"
Parents wait for the perfect moment, the perfect script, absolute confidence. Meanwhile, children's questions intensify, and the opportunity window closes. An imperfect conversation is infinitely better than perfect silence.
The Devastating Cost of Silence
When Parents Don't Talk, Consequences Follow:
- Adolescents become vulnerable to predators who exploit their ignorance about good touch vs. bad touch and grooming tactics
- Preventable teen pregnancies that occur among young adolescents
- Children turn to dangerous sources: pornography becomes sex education, confused peers share myths, predators groom by offering "education"
- Mental health crisis develops: shame, depression, anxiety, and religious trauma when natural development is labeled sinful
- Abuse goes unreported for years because victims have no idea what to do, how to identify predators, or who to turn to when they become victims
- Parent-child trust breaks down, and children stop coming to parents with other problems, too
In our drama, Steven confesses after accidentally viewing sexual content: "I feel I'm such a big sinner who will die soon because I feel this way." This shame is preventable.
How to Bridge the Gap
Practical Steps You Can Take Today:
1. Acknowledge Your Discomfort—Then Do It Anyway
Say: "I'm uncomfortable talking about this, but my child's safety matters more than my comfort. I'm going to try." You can even tell your child, "I didn't have these conversations with my parents, but I love you too much to stay silent."
2. Start Early and Keep It Ongoing
There's no single "birds and bees talk." Instead, have many small conversations starting early (ages 3-5: body part names; ages 9-11: puberty before changes begin; ages 12+: deeper discussions about feelings and boundaries).
3. Use Correct Terminology
Teach actual words: penis, vagina, breasts, menstruation—not cute names. Why? Children who know correct terms can report abuse clearly, shame is reduced when we use medical language, and knowledge empowers.
4. Create Safe Spaces for Questions
Regularly tell your child: "You can ask me anything. I will never punish you for asking questions." Then prove it—when they ask uncomfortable things, take a breath and say "Thank you for asking me" instead of reacting with shock. Once a child asks and gets punished, they'll never ask again.
5. Address Predators Directly
Teach your child about good touch vs. bad touch, predator tactics (special gifts, isolation, keeping secrets), and how to report. In our drama, James explains the "siiiii gang" as predators who exploit adolescent confusion. (In Ghana, "siiii" is a hissing expression that suggests someone who does not know you or your name is trying to get your attention). Most predators who are strangers address children like this on the street before attaching pet names like beautiful, pretty, sweet, etc. Education is protection.
6. Use Everyday Moments
Don't wait for perfect timing. Use news stories, TV shows, or friend situations to start casual conversations—in the car, while cooking, during walks. Organic conversations work better than formal sit-downs.
The Choice Before Us
Picture Two Futures:
FUTURE 1: Continued Silence Cindy's mother never talks to her. Cindy learns about sex from pornography. At 15, a 25-year-old man grooms her. She gets pregnant, drops out of school. Her mother weeps: "I should have talked to her."
FUTURE 2: Brave Conversation Despite discomfort, Cindy's mother has honest conversations about puberty and boundaries. When a man grooms Cindy, she recognizes it and tells her mother. She's protected. She finishes school. Years later: "You saved me by being brave enough to talk."
Which future do you choose?
Your Next Step: Talk Today
Don't wait. Choose one simple opening:
- "I want you to know you can ask me anything about your body or growing up. I promise I won't get angry."
- "I never had these conversations with my parents. I'm sorry. I want to change that."
- "You're growing up and might have questions. What have you heard from friends that confused you?"
Just start. Imperfectly. Awkwardly. But start.
The young people in "Talk Before The World Talks" represent millions of confused adolescents—scared to ask questions, vulnerable to predators, desperate for someone safe to talk to.
That someone should be you.
Not Google. Not pornography. Not predators. You.
Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's uncomfortable. But your child needs you to try anyway.
Talk before the world talks. Your child is counting on you.
About the Author: Dorcas Animah Asare is the Founder & Creative Director of Uncharted Waters Media and an advocate for adolescent health through the stage drama "Talk Before The World Talks" and community engagements.
Join the Movement: Send us a message today to be notified on our upcoming workshops for limited slots. Share this article with other parents, or contact Uncharted Waters Media to bring this conversation to your community.
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